I'm Just Fine

If you see me, I’m different than yesterday

Tomorrow, a ghost, a kindred spirit you could say

To someone familiar, with a past like mine

A girl who always answers, “I’m just fine”

If you see me, I’m scanning I assume

Catastrophes, threats, looming doom

My brain searching, a panic to cling

Never at peace, an aching sting

If you see me, my mind is fixated

My thoughts race, inundated

My past creeps in, takes ahold

I’ve never encountered something so bold

If you see me, I’m questioning everything

Self-worth, confidence, the value I bring

I cross my arms, offering myself a hug

Recognizing the holes that have been dug

If you see me, my heart is in my throat

Feeling lost at sea, a forever vanished boat

I wave, I smile, I search for a sign

A girl who always answers, “I’m just fine”

If you see me, I’d rather you not

I’m just a particle, a tiny dot

Woven into fabric that cannot be worn

Damaged, dirty, the opposite of adorn

If you see me, know you’ve made a difference

Optical illusions, guesses, silly inferences

I reserve judgment, I’m not always sad

I scribble I’m fine on a yellow lined pad

If you see me, not everything is shit

I refuse to give up, I refuse to quit

I am grateful for the life we built

Truth is, I just feel a lot of guilt

If you see me, I thought I was immune

Grief took over, impaled with a harpoon

I promise, it’s only temporary

I’ll try to leave it at the cemetery

If you see me, I’m doing my best

Jenn in Wonderland, be my guest

Rachel, Becky, whoever’s in line

A girl who, genuinely, is just fine